So near and yet so far!

It's been so long since I've written here. Most of the time it's because I'm lazy, at other times I've got nothing interesting to write about, and hence my blog is gathering virtual dust. :-P

We are nearly at the end of the journey: less than a year to go before my scholarship runs out... I've finished my exams, and am now officially a PhD candidate. Now, I've got to focus on my prospectus and get moving in order to graduate on time. I am finding it hard though to motivate my self lately; lack of regimented schedules and self-appointed deadlines tend to do that to you. Plus, I am rather lucky to get a supervisor who's kind of laissez faire; she's not really the type to brandish a whip! (ha ha). But yes, the thought of being stuck here without money scares me enough to know that I have to work harder! Lately, I am more homesick than ever; I can't wait to get it done and go home! I have this gnawing feeling that life is at a standstill and it's time to move on! People think it's exciting to be in the States doing your PhD, but believe me there is nothing to envy! I know I am learning a lot more here, much more than I would have had I been in Malaysia (not just in terms of academic life) but I am also losing a lot: sacrificing my physical health (stress will do that to you!), buying a house, having kids, spending time with my family etc. I am luckier than most that I have my other half here, and I should be grateful for that but it's doubly hard also for both of us in terms of coping with the challenges that come, financially, emotionally, physically etc. If I looked back, and knowing what I do now, I am not sure if I would have made the same decision. I would have in hindsight perhaps, chosen to study at a country where I can come home easier (on the pocket + less distance) so I can fall back on family support if I needed it... Well, you can't turn back time or regret your decisions but I am not 100% sure that this is the path that I would have chosen had I had an alternative...

Well, on to more errr... less gloomy things. :-P We've had bouts of really bad flu for the last week or so. I've been lucky that in the four years that I've been here this is the first time I've had it so bad. Probably because the weather has been the coldest it has been since 2009. And with winter comes a host of other problems: our car has been causing a lot of problem lately because of it! Tapi nak ganti sayang kan coz it cost money, and we have less than two years to go so we will probably bear with it till the end. Jgn sebut2 nak ganti, nanti kereta tu merajuk! ha ha ha

All in all, I can't really wait for this journey to be over and move on to other, more important things!

Jotted by,